theres a mystery to love in christ

apparently i am gay. i found this out when a female approached me because she had heard I'm lesbian. after the initial shock, i tried to politely inform her that i was not in fact lesbian, and i that i was not interested in a relationship. she quickly apologized and then left. not long after another female approached me. she was new to post and needed a ride somewhere. i agreed, having no problem since we were going to the same place anyway. at first the ride was quiet. i wasn't sure what to talk about, i didn't really know her that well, and she seemed timid. i tried to break the ice with a goofy comment, and it was like i had let the dogs out. she began to ask me questions. i figured she was trying to get to know me so i engaged. i was surprised by the amount of questions she was able to fit in to our 5 minute ride to the barracks. as i pulled into the parking lot and put the car in park, she got real quiet. it kind of took me off guard so i awkwardly sat silently in the car waiting for her to get out. then she began to talk again. she told me that she had been warned about me, that i was basically a tattle tale, sensitive, and no fun to be around. all of the questions she had asked began to make sense now. a couple days later after having the time to think things through, get over the anger i felt that the very people i work and live with and are supposed to have my back apparently talk about me behind my back, i brought it up in conversation with an brother in Christ, very wise, retired military, and a local. as we talked it through he told me that i shouldn't be surprised that people would spread rumors about me, talk about me and try to bring me down to their level. i will have to admit that at first i was kind of angry about this. he went on to compare my situation to Jesus. Jesus was perfect, sinless, yet the very people who had followed him and praised him crucified him. they spread rumors about him, taunted him. they turned their backs on him. now if people could do that to someone who knew no sin, had done nothing wrong, why should i put it past them to do the same to me. i am a sinner, i have done wrong, made mistakes, and said the wrong thing at the wrong time. he told me that as Christians we are different. I'm different. because i don't like to do what they do and i don't hang out with them. they don't understand me, so they spread rumors. and then pick my brain to see how i will respond. and the truth behind that was so encouraging. it was peaceful. the anger i had felt, was no longer. as a christian i am called to love my enemies, just as Jesus did. i am to pray for them, love them, even when they wrong me. and i have to admit they are totally confused. they know i found out that they spread the rumors, yet i still talk to them, smile and engage them in conversation occasionally. they don't understand why i don't date, drink, or smoke. they don't understand why i would prefer to hang out with people 40 years my elder over them. but what i have come to realize is that they don't understand the love of Christ. the love Christ does not know color, race, ethnicity, sex, or age. Christ loves each and every one of us. whether we are gay or straight, black or white, male or female, American or Pakistani. Christ loves each and every one of us. and we are to do the same. we are not to judge someone because they are gay, they murdered somebody, or they praise a different god. for each of us has a sin of our own. we lust, idolize celebrities, we are gluttonous with food, we are gluttonous with the Internet and electronics, at one point we have spread gossip, and we have gotten angry and hurt somebody. just because somebody else's sin is different doesn't mean its worse. sin is sin. we all do it. I DO IT. as Christians we are called to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, all our minds, all our souls, and all our strength. and to love our neighbor as we love ourselves (Mark 12:30-31). we do not have to tolerate their sin, we do not have to accept their sin. but we do have to love them as Christ loves us. and show them grace, as Christ continuously shows us grace for our sins. we can love them without tolerating or accepting their sin. do not be afraid to be different. i do not smoke, i do not drink, I'm single, I'm a virgin, i dress conservatively, i am not gay or bisexual, i talk to my mom every day and i hang out with people who accept me for who i am. BE Different. BE Yourself. BE Fearless - Psalm 27:1-3 
The lord is my light and salvation; whom shall i fear? The lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall i be afraid? When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me my heart shall not fear, though war arise against me, yet i will be confident.

forgiveness: we shouldn't have to understand to show a little grace

at one point in our lives we all make that one mistake. somebody gets gets hurt, people take sides, your not really sure where you stand. those who you thought were you're friends stand on the side that seems to be more popular, to be more just in a world where we try to determine what justice is. but where we go wrong is when we don't have all the facts. we don't know what really happened at that moment in time. 99% of us weren't even there. when we take the side that we believe to be true and just, we are no longer supporting a cause out of love. true love is the unconditional grace God shows us every day. it doesn't take sides, doesn't say who is wrong and who is right. it loves both sides equally, shows grace to both sides equally. as humans we want to be with the side that seems to be hurting the most, to be able to comprehend what happened and do something about it even if in the end we not only hurt the other side, but tell it that there is no love, no grace to lend them. we have all received that second chance that turned our life around, set us straight. all because one person decided to show us a little love and grace, understood that in your foolish worldly mind what you did was what you thought was cool and right at the time. as i recently discovered a friend is hurting i can only imagine where this path is going to lead. he was the driver of a car that crashed and killed one of his friends. his mistake may seem gigantic to yours, but how can you compare? how can you judge when you yourself continuously make the wrong decision and only by grace of God did the ending turn out ok. God does not call us to judge but to love all. it may be hard, we might not understand, but that shouldn't be an issue. we shouldn't have to understand every little piece of the puzzle to decide whether or not we are going to share the love and grace God has shown us continually, every time we fail, making the same mistakes over and over again. as a child of God i have no right to make this decision for i am forgiven just the same. i might never know what you were thinking at that time, what kind of pressure you may have been under, or whether you thought you were doing the right thing given the circumstances. but i want you to know i will support you. the consequences may be life changing, but you can learn tom this, come out wiser and stronger in the end. whether big or small this is a turning point for you and you can overcome it. you are my friend, family, and whether or not you were wrong i will pray for you, i will support you, i will be there for you. keep your head up brother, I'm praying for you.

we all make mistakes...

As a young, teenage, single, soldier away from my family for the first time, I am learning real quick how much I have to trust in God. Outside of the comforts of home, the Christian University I attended, and my Christian friends I have had to learn the hard way that not everybody who claims to be a “friend” has good intentions. When you are constantly surrounded by Christians who are there to talk to you, pray for you, and fellowship with you, they are also there for accountability and to talk you out of stupid decisions. You begin to form a trustful way of thinking, giving everybody the benefit of a doubt because you don’t know their story. You begin to trust nice people and think that their intentions are the same as yours. Growing up you hear stories about things that happen but we all know you don’t learn from stories passed down the rumor tree. We learn either the hard way ourselves or via friends and family member’s experiences. Right now my invincible, teenage, hormonal brain tells me I can do anything. I am a warrior, an American soldier, raised my right hand to protect what I grew up watching my dad, my neighbors, and family members defend. I tend to think that if I can do that I can do anything, right? Wrong! Without God Iam nothing. No matter how big I think I am God always interrupts my invincible ways and thinking to show me I'm not; He graciously knocks me down and humbles my stubborn butt. And you know as well as I do that this is not a one time occurrence.  How many times did I wet myself before I was finally potty trained? How many bones did I break before I learned to properly fall? How many times did I hold a last minute cram session before I changed my study habits? We make the same mistakes over and over and over…. And over before we learn our lesson. A wise woman, my mom, once told me that these mistakes don’t always present themselves in the same way, but always end with the same results. When the ER technicians know you by name it is probably time to make some change. One of the things I have come to learn is to trust my instincts. So many people will argue with you over this, tell you that logic is the answer. This is somewhat true. Knowing how history repeats itself does provide some insight, but ultimately when you are in that moment of uncertainty logic is not your first thought. Its your instincts that kick in and tell you to go home. You can try to justify anything logically, but your instincts are going to tell you how you really feel. I’ve come to think of my instincts as divine intervention, God telling me to stop and turn around. Following my instincts have labeled me as a party pooper and lame, but I still have my dignity, integrity and faith. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice any of these to have fun and hang with your “friends”, and if you do, they are NOT your friends. I know, Easier said than done. We all want to be accepted and will fall into this trap at one point. I have fallen into it quite a few times but thankfully it has never resulted in losing my dignity, integrity, or faith. It may have come close and I may have had to go through a period of uncertainty, where I felt uncomfortable and people were upset with me, but setting things straight was the only way to fix my mistake honorably. I have dealt with the consequences and told myself I would never do that again… yea good joke right? We all know how that works. At this point in my walk with Christ I have come to realize that this is where arming myself with the word of God comes in. I can try to get myself out of a situation logically. Try to size up my surroundings, base the situation off of what I know, justify what could happen with the idea that nothing will happen because I am invincible and nothing has happened before. Or I could base my decisions off of the word, thousands of years of wisdom and an Almighty God. Personally the odds of the latter sound better to me. As I write this, I know it is easier said than done. My hormonal brain is still telling me I am invincible. But I am a work in progress and if I let God continue to mold me into what he created me to be, then I can conquer this worldly view I have that I can do anything and realize I am nothing without Christ. My ultimate goal is to be and act more like Christ, an ongoing goal that I will always have to strive for because I am human and a sinner and can never fully 100% be Christ like. However, God’s grace covered that the day I raised my white flag and gave my life to Christ. I am still going to make mistakes, its inevitable. Although learning a lesson through Christ may not be easier, it will definitely be better knowing a loving God who knows the outcome is there to guide me through it. I’m told that wisdom comes with age, but I believe that sets us up for failure. We think we wont make mistakes when we get older, and when we do get older and mistakes are made we blame other people. We think we know better so we ask God why, we get angry and we don’t understand. Punishments are no longer spankings and groundings, but involve monetary fines and permanent records. We need to understand that everybody of all ages make mistakes, we are all sinners and we need to be there for each other, as brothers and sisters in Christ, and get through it together. We are a body and we need every member to keep it moving. If one goes down we all go down, so we need to work together and show the world the light of Christ, rebounding from one mistake at a time. If we can show the world that we love each other, looking past mistakes and into the rebound, just maybe people will begin understand the love of Christ.